It’s Been My Annus Horribillis

Avocado at Liz's

retorts a poem written on the thirteenth day

of the penultimate day of the month:

feeling fine, feeling remarkably fine

and I’m trying for a re-birth

at what should be, probably is:

close to the end of a reasonably long life.


Earlier in the year an attempt was made

to insert a stent to my heart. Thinking one,

they found two, the more recent

quiet small: and dealt to it: went on

to the larger one. The patient (myself)

watched them as they worked. And

then the nurse leaves her monitor duties

and comes to my side.


I have little recall of her words

so soon, as they say, I was out

like a light; inserting wires had

snapped, not once but twice.

There followed an emergency retrieval.


Next morning the little surgeon

came to my bedside; and said

“I may never touch you again.”

And though I struggled with

that deep cobbled wound in the groin and what

is called “referred pain” in my shoulder:

(strange as that may seem.)               I’d

screamed and moaned. And later

I would think “And maybe I just

will not let you touch me again.”

But I’m determined and I’m hopeful.

I live in hope.


I am determined

to heal, alter diet, exercise.

I don’t regard myself as desperate;

but I’ve heard of vegan miracles.

Each day I chip away

at what I regard as my re-birth.

How far will I get! Only time will tell.

This is the pen and the thoughts

of a forever optimist.


It’s near the end of the year.

A new year is waiting to be born;

feeling fine; feeling remarkably fine;

metaphorically young in heart & mind,

I’m working on some re-birth.

Benita H. Kape (c) 13.11.2019

This poem is shared in dVerse Amaya hosting has requested poems on the subject of birth.


7 thoughts on “It’s Been My Annus Horribillis

  1. Each day I chip away

    at what I regard as my re-birth.

    I love that, it struck a chord with me.

    I think you’ve had more than an annus horribilis, Benita – there must be a stronger term than that. I knew you’d had cardiac surgery, but I didn’t realise it had been so horrific. It’s good to see your writing again. I love the multiple re-births in this – the year, you. It’s a good time to reflect – I guess it’s spring with you?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Sarah. Yes, it has been quite a journey. What is startling is when some nurses and doctors say to me they have never heard of something like that happening. In the recovery op. the nerve of the inner right thigh was severed. If not completely severed they can repair, not so for me so that the inner thigh has no feeling (and yet it sometimes feels like long thin needles are poking into it). The outer leg is normal.

      But to happy things. Yes it is spring and my cherry trees are in bloom as are the roses; one climbing beauty is named Compassion.


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